By the way…it’s all about YOU!!
In case I don’t say it enough…….I appreciate each and every one of you, so this post is ALL ABOUT YOU!!
(photo credit: dogspired.com)
YES, YOU!!! In a day where people don’t take the time to say thank you…I SAY THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT, ENCOURAGEMENT, AND DEDICATION TO THIS LIL’ OL’ BLOG!
Happy Bloggin’ Ya’ll!!
Winner, Winner, Cheeken Dinner!!
Ok, so before I get more hate mail from the ‘too ashamed to use his real name John Smith’ let me clarify the title of this blog…I once went to a Mexican restaurant and on the menu was “Cheeken” instead of the obvious spelling of chicken. But, it has stuck with me and I find it hilarious, so there ya go…now, back to the point of this blog…
WE HAVE A WINNER! I’m sure you’ve all waited with the patience of a saint, but I spent the week in Japan and not only lacked an internet connection, but the award template was on my computer at home. So, I apologize for the delay, but HERE IT IS!!! I bet it’s obvious to several of you, the winner of the 2nd caption contest is……………..drumroll please………………..
FLORIDAEAGLE!! “Some days you soar like an eagle”…and today must be your day! Congrats and thanks for making this blog that much more hilarious! Here is your Expert! Award…
249 to go…and SPAM shouldn’t be this funny!
That’s right…only 249 clicks to go before this ordinary blog becomes EXTRAORDINARY!! At least to me. That will be the point when 25,000 visitors have come by just to see what little ol’ Expert of None is up to. Isn’t that just remarkable? I mean, really. Who wants to know what I’ve dumped from my brain and typed onto a blank walk? The insecure Jill would say, “Maybe they clicked on it accidentally?” So, I subtract 2,000. And then that annoying inner voice says, “Maybe it’s your Mom and Dad?” So, I subtract another 3,000. And you know what? IT’S STILL FREAKING AWESOME 
At that point, I drown the inner self in champagne and liquid chocolate and contemplate how I can get those additional 249 clicks……hmmmm….can’t pin again so soon. They’re funny, sure, but I really need something to grab the reader’s attention after a long day at work….hmmmmm….can’t become Oprah and give away cars……..can’t become Tom Cruise and jump on Oprah’s couch……..didn’t win the lottery, so no cash giveaways at this time.
And then it HITS me! It’s SPAM!!!
I’d really love to talk to the people who are behind Spam. I know it’s an automatic process, set up by the people trying to sell something or provide you with the ugliest virus EVER in the history of the World Wide Web, but it basically boils down to…….people with too much time on their hands!
Let’s look at the latest SPAM I’ve received on this blog and how it applies to the topic:
I wrote, “Bet he remembers to vote next time…after the divorce, of course”. You remember, right? It had a mug shot of the lady who was “trying to scare her husband” and instead had run him over with her car because HE FORGOT TO VOTE! The SPAM I received on that particular blog was:
1. Music started playing anytime I opened this web site, so annoying! My response? Wow, I didn’t know I had THEME music now! That is soooo freakin’ cool!
2. Hello.This article was extremely motivating, especially because I was searching for thoughts on this issue last week. My response? Someone should arrest this person BEFORE they run over their spouse because apparently this blog is now teaching how to murder AND I WON’T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE.
3. Just a smiling visitor here to share the love (:, btw great design . My response? Ok, now we’re talking! This one is BRILLIANT, so not sure how it ended up in the SPAM list!
I wrote, “Out of the blue…yep, I’m crazy like that”. Uh-huh. That was a good one. Funny, if I do say so myself. The SPAM I received on that particular blog was:
1. Pretty good post. i just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that i have really enjoyed reading your blog posts. My response? Excuse me? Did you just say “pretty good post”? WTH man? It was a damn good post and honestly, how can I take criticism from someone who doesn’t capitalize I?
I wrote, “Sued his wife for ugly baby…and WON?!!” Oh yeah, that was a really good one. Still can’t believe there are people out there who would sue over the results of their own DNA! And to top it off, there’s a judge who rules in their favor. Shake my head, tsk…tsk. The SPAM I received on that particular blog was:
1. Nice, informative and educational post and the most interesting and informative post i’ve ever seen, so the post bookmarked my browser for future. My response? Seriously? The most interesting and informative post you’ve EVER seen? Obviously you didn’t read my post on Duck Dynasty! And how does the post “bookmarked my browser for future”? That’s definitely a perk. BLOG…BOOKMARK EVERYONE ELSE WHO EVER COMES TO VISIT! HURRY!!!
(I know, I too was surprised that one only got one!)
I wrote, “Hi and Happy Veteran’s Day”. Admittedly, not my best work, but well…I was in a hurry and still wanted to pay my respects. Work with me here. The SPAM I received on that particular blog was:
1. Thanks for another fantastic article. Where else could anybody get that type of info in such an ideal way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I am on the look for such info. My response? Ummm…I believe that’s call plagiarism, so even though it really wasn’t a “fantastic article”, we need to discuss my consultant fees…
I wrote, “Let’s talk about Duck Dynasty”. This one was fun to write because the show is hilarious and I was hoping to help spur their ratings. Not alot of people seem to know about them, and it looks like I was a tiny bit successful. I think my Dad is now addicted, too. The SPAM I received on that particular blog was:
1. Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors, for one you do not use all three H tags in your post, also I notice that you are not using bold or italics properly…(it went on and on, but I refuse to bore you). My response? Bite me.
Ok, that’s all for now. I hope you’ve enjoyed them enough to either click on this blog roughly 249 times, or tell 249 of your closest friends!
Thanks and Happy Bloggin’ Ya’ll!!
Let the chucklin’ begin again…
So I thought it best to get some laughs in today and I had no problem finding out how…I googled “funny pins” and hit the jackpot. A lady named Mary McCarthy has a pinterest site (is it a page, a list, a website I dunno) called “Funny Ass Shit”. True stuff, I can’t make that up. And she posts these on her blog “pajamasandcoffee.com”. I went to check out the blog and I’m pretty sure I’m on the verge of becoming a psycho stalker. Is that how it all begins?? Maybe there’s a pill I can take to avoid becoming addicted? HER BLOG ROCKS!!
I mean, come on…it’s called PAJAMAS AND COFFEE! It is me…..she is me……we are we……….I love my new friend! Add some wine and chocolate and I believe I’ll give her all three of my kids and call her Mommy.
Here are some of the pins she had on her site and when you get a moment, please go visit her blog.
Happy Bloggin’ Ya’ll!!
Almost better than Spam…”Search Terms”
For those of you who blog, you probably already know this, but for those who don’t….well, you might find it entertaining like I did. If you recall, I like to read the Spam this blog generates for the entertainment value, well I may have found something as funny!!
In the site stats of this blog, there are “search terms” and they are listed with viewing options, one tab each for the last week, month, quarter, and entire existence. These search terms are what people used to find my blog. They enter the terms in google or yahoo or bing, whichever, and depending on my tags, it matches with something I posted. Well, the terms they use left me a tad bewildered as to how it hooked up with my posts…check these out:
Search term that landed them at Jill of All Trades…Expert of None! (My sarcastic, yet hopefully entertaining response):
Stupid Baby (Had several versions of this and can only assume it’s for the photo where the baby is crying ”Make the stupid people shutup!”)
baby with a soldier photo (Don’t recall posting any of these, but if not, they should look around while they’re in here…there’s good stuff! LOL)
piccsy (What the heck’s a piccsy?)
pics of the world stupid hoe (Have to admit…this is one of my favorites)
michael jordan punching air (Does MJ “punch” the air? Or does he have someone on staff do it for him?)
olivia newton john wardrobe malfuction (Eeeewww…bad image……burning brain……stop it!)
what happened to the person if he has good relation? (I really don’t think I know any of ya’ll well enough to want to know!)
bootyliciousbucket.com (There’s a website for this?? WHO KNEW?)
have thin mints changed? where is the mint? (OMG, they took the mint? I love the mint…please go find it before sales begin for next year!)
“women want bruno” (If this is about Dancing with Stars….no………women don’t want Bruno, trust me!)
wacky laws los angeles, california must get permission from lifeguard before you (Before I WHAT??? Tell me!! If I’m ever in Cali, near a lifeguard, now I don’t know what to ask and he may let me drown! It’ll be all your fault, y’know.)
which university 2004 federal grant to breed radioactive armadillos (WTH? How does this get you to my blog? And who googles “breed radioactive armadillos”?)
radioactive armadillos federal grant (I hope this is the same person as above. If more than one person googles “radioactive armadillos” it’s an epidemic and Houston, we have a problem!)
twitter makes people stupid (I never said that! I might have mentioned something like that along with the name Kim Kardashian, but never a blanket “people” statement!)
picture striped mittenfish (Do I have a picture of that on this blog? I’m not really a fish person, but Finding Nemo is my favorite movie ever!)
bacon more alike than you think (This should say….”bacon, the best meat EVER”!)
only certain men are allowed to breed (I don’t recall saying this, but I probably should have!)
jill the perv (WTH?????????? If I’m a perv, it’s certainly not here. Hahaha!)
anal none (And this brought you to my blog?? Wow)
your my favorite don’t tell mom card (At first I read this wrong and thought I was someone’s favorite card, awww, but now I get it. Dad, did you google this?)
knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. common sense (I’m glad you found my blog by typing in common sense, but the quote should read: Wisdom is knowing a tomato is a fruit…what?? A tomato is a FRUIT?? Since when?)
Thanks and Happy Bloggin’ Ya’ll….
Quick UPDATE on the daughter’s job situation…
Click here for the updated blog and find out what has happened on the “Never call the CURRENT supervisor” situation…………..
Or scroll down about four posts or so.
Happy Bloggin’ Ya’ll!!
Winner, winner, meatball dinner…
Hello everyone! I have made it back to the real world. It was a wonderful trip, but we’re both thankful to be back home. We missed the kids, the house, the dog…everything. Now it’s time for the staycation portion of this holiday.
But first, let me finish up the Vegas updates. You know about our first night, we went to see Vinnie. The second night we decided not to go to any shows, instead we made reservations for our favorite restaurant from our last trip, RAO’s. That’s how delicious their homemade manicotti was…and as the waiter described, “baseball size meatballs” were also deelish. $16 for two meatballs is ridiculous, but this was our one food splurge during the week, and it was worth it!
(photo credit: vegaschatter.com)
The most awesome thing happened while we were wasting time until our dinner reservation. I turned $0.50 into $40.00 and was happy…
But not to be outdone…the MAN turned $0.50 bet into THIS:
Sorry it’s a little blurry, but I was shaking! Never has anything like this happened to us. We were playing a penny slot machine and he was betting the least amount available $0.50. We both hit a bonus and were laughing about it…the game was ghostbusters (yes, the movie) and my bonus was a Stay Puft free spin. His bonus said YOU CAN WIN THE PROGRESSIVE…well, no way have we ever won the highest progressive, so we look up and there’s four progressives…the smallest at a couple bucks, the highest at $938. He had to pick one cloud (or was it a ghost?) out of five…he quickly hit the second one thinking he’d win the smallest of the jackpots at the most……..BUT NO! HE WON THE TOP PROGRESSIVE JACKPOT AND I FrrrrrrrEAKED out! hahaha. What fun.
And it doesn’t stop there…when I got home I immediately came to visit my poor ol’ neglected blog and lookie what I found:
YES!!!!!!! MY BLOG HAS MADE ITS FIRST INCOME………WOOOOOWHOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! IT’S NOT EVEN ENOUGH FOR ONE MEATBALL AT RAO’S BUT WHO CARES?? hahaha…
Happy Bloggin’ ya’ll!
Riddle me this…
Hello friends, family, bloggers, and brilliant people. Yes, some of you can actually be a combination of friend or family or blogger, and brilliant, but I’m not naming names. That’ll start a small war, likely to rival the Spanish-American or Football Wars. Yes, there’s such a thing as a Football War…1969, read here
Anywho, I’m feeling a tad exhausted right now (tad exhausted…I don’t think that’s proper English…sort of like being a little pregnant?) and just thought I’d tap into the one “to do” item I enjoy the most…this blog. That way I can procrastinate just a bit longer on the more mundane tasks, like homework. I know what you’re thinking. I’m too old to have homework. Ok, maybe you’re not thinking it…but I am! Anyone who truly follows this blog knows I’m pursuing my MBA degree.
Now…let’s see how smart you really are…can you figure out this riddle??
Start out easy…I am an online student at… 
Little more difficult …My current class is……
(photo credit: ashaguzy.blogspot.com)
The part of school I despise…
(photo credit: flickr.com)
The homework I should be doing right now…
(photo credit: Langlibrary.net)
What I’m doing instead…
(photo credit: maginadvertising.com)
So, I guess my…
(photo credit: sodahead.com)
….to you is this……..What would you rather be doing when it’s time to focus on the unwelcome, but necessary, tasks in your life?
HOLY SPAMALOT BATMAN
Spam just cracks me up. Anytime I need a little chuckle, I visit my spam page and check out the ridiculous responses to posts on this blog.
I don’t really understand the purpose of spam…I guess it is to get us to click on their address link, where they are selling something, and their hope is we will go, “Oh wow, I didn’t mean to click on this link, but what an EXTRAORDINARY website I’ve discovered. I should look around. And while I’m here, I may as well buy something. I’ve always needed 5,000 sporks”.
Here are the spam comments I have in the queue right now. The name of the post is at the top IN BOLD ALL CAPS, spam underneath for that particular post, and then my witty sarcasm in bold italics. Enjoy!
A LITTLE AFV TO GET YOU THROUGH THURSDAY…
I discovered your weblog web site site on google and appearance some of your early posts. Preserve up the excellent operate. I just extra increase Feed to my MSN News Reader. Searching for toward reading far a lot more by you later on!
My weblog web site site thanks you you.
QUEEN, PRINCESS, AND BEEOTCH OF THE WORLD DAY…
I used to be suggested this website by way of my cousin. I am no longer sure whether this post is written by way of him as no one else know such precise approximately my difficulty. You are wonderful! Thank you!
Aww, I’m wonderful? The post is about Mother’s Day and only your male cousin knows the precise approximately of your difficulty? Hmmm…
IT’S NOT TOO LATE, I CAN STILL BECOME AN OLYMPIAN?
Just want to express this specific post is striking. The standard in your post is simply amazing and i could believe you may well be an expert for this subject. Nicely with your agreement permit us to grab your current feed to maintain up to date using incoming write-up. Thanks a thousand and be sure to keep the great work.
Did you not read the title of this blog? I’m not an expert at anything!! And thanks a thousand? I don’t rate a million?
A LITTLE SPAM TO CHEER UP YOUR MONDAY…
Sidenote: Who knew a post about spam would generate the most spam? Can’t wait to see what I get from this one.
Would you be inquisitive about exchanging links? Nope. No I wouldn’t.
Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people think about worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will probably be back to get more. Thanks
You definitely get irked when people think about worries that they plainly do not know about? Control freak much? I hit the nail upon the top? Yay me. And you will “probably be back”? I’m so honored.
I am writing to let you be aware of what a brilliant experience my cousin’s girl developed using your web site. She discovered several pieces, with the inclusion of what it is like to have a great giving nature to make others quite simply understand several extremely tough subject areas. You truly surpassed my expected results. I appreciate you for delivering such productive, trustworthy, educational not to mention unique tips about this topic to Kate.
Omg. I truly surpassed your expected results? Would you mind calling my boss?
My wife and i felt so excited Chris managed to conclude his homework from your precious recommendations he made from your very own blog. It’s not at all simplistic to simply continually be giving away techniques which people today could have been making money from. So we acknowledge we now have the website owner to be grateful to for this. The most important explanations you’ve made, the straightforward website menu, the friendships you will aid to instill – it is everything overwhelming, and it is facilitating our son in addition to our family reckon that that situation is amusing, and that is tremendously fundamental. Many thanks for everything!
Ok, so it is not at all simplistic to simply continually be giving away techniques which people today could have been making money from? You may send me $8m for my services, should I give you an address for the check?
I and my guys ended up reviewing the excellent thoughts from your web site and at once developed a terrible suspicion I had not thanked you for those secrets. Most of the ladies are already as a result happy to study them and have in effect undoubtedly been tapping into these things. Appreciate your turning out to be simply thoughtful and then for having such smart themes millions of individuals are really eager to discover. Our honest apologies for not expressing appreciation to you earlier.
Millions of individuals are really eager to discover? Could you just give them my website address so they can stop searching?
Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will come back again. I am bookmarking your feeds also
Aww, super-duper?? Does that come with a gold star?
Thats some nice informationI would like to read more about it. computer repair computer repair computer repair it support it support it support computer desktop repair
Who said anything about computer repair it support it, Rainman? Speaking of youlovethisblog subliminal messages. I’ve got an expertofnoneisyourfavoriteblog idea for a subliminal messaging post. Stay tuned nevereverleaveme.
Thank you a lot for giving everyone an extremely terrific possiblity to read critical reviews from this web site. It is always so brilliant and stuffed with a good time for me personally and my office friends to visit your web site at minimum three times in one week to read the fresh things you have. Of course, we’re usually amazed concerning the mind-blowing things you serve. Certain 2 facts in this posting are absolutely the simplest I’ve ever had.
There’s a whole lot of adjectives in that paragraph…so I’m extremely terrific, brilliant, fresh, mind-blowing, and absolutely the simplest? Not sure if that last one is a compliment or not, but ok. Who needs to pay for therapy? People should build their self-esteem from spam.
I don’t even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I don’t know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already Cheers!
If I were already wouldn’t you know who I was and how you ended up here?
Hello.This post was really interesting, especially since I was searching for thoughts on this topic last Thursday.
So the post wouldn’t have been interesting had you not googled it last Thursday? Fibber!
TWO THINGS…DON’T TOUCH MY MOMMA…DON’T TOUCH MY DORITOS!
\”We Respect Justin’s Hard Work\” He does so much for us and we all are so grateful. This album is going to be amazing.
We’re talking about doritos, not beiber.
allaroundtheworld is an oasis song. & he has the cheek to take a band of such a higher calibre & ruin their song title.Don’t respect Justin
Haha, the post has a kid named Jaden in it, not Justin. Guess I triggered the Beiber Fever people.
Hello, i think that i saw you visited my site thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m trying to find things to improve my site!I suppose its ok to use some of your ideas!!
Um, no…didn’t visit you (stranger danger)…and no, it’s not ok to use some of my ideas. By the way, you really shouldn’t use the term “return the favor”, it just comes across as, well, creepy. I think I’ll go shower now.
Reporter Bloopers and Sailor Language!! Happy Friday
A blog is a personal journal published on the World Wide Web consisting of discrete entries (“posts”) typically displayed in reverse chronological order so the most recent post appears first. Blogs are usually the work of a single individual, occasionally of a small group, and often are themed on a single subject. Blog can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.
Although not a must, most good quality blogs are interactive, allowing visitors to leave comments and even message each other via GUI widgets on the blogs and it is this interactivity that distinguishes them from other static websites. In that sense, blogging can be seen as a form of social networking. Indeed, bloggers do not only produce content to post on their blogs but also build social relations with their readers and other bloggers. Yay me.
When I started this blog, I thought I might make a few new friends while doing something I absolutely love, writing. Tomorrow will be five months on Expert of None and I’ve realized that blogging is about so much more than that and I look forward to reaching many more milestones with this wonderfully dedicated group of people.
Here’s how I would like to say thank you for following me:
(Please note: SAILOR LANGUAGE WARNING……..there is really bad language in this video, so if that offends you please don’t click on the link)
(Also note: for those who are not offended and therefore, do watch this video…wait till you see the reporter that is at about the 1:15 mark. Out in the country is what I call him….and OMG funny!!! I would be the same way though…I’m a city kinda girl!)
ENJOY!
Happy Bloggin’ ya’ll!
(Posted on youtube by Thesqueak69)
