Delta…why can’t you be more like Kulula??
Thank you all for allowing me and taking part in, a blog of respect to those affected by last year’s horrific storms.
But…I can’t let us enter the weekend on such a somber note…therefore, let’s raise our glasses (umbrellas encouraged), kick up our feet, and have a laugh!
Kulula Airlines operates from South Africa, but their awesome sense of humor in the workplace should be worldwide! All of the information below and photos are from their website. It’s all TRUE!
Delta…TAKE NOTE!!! Here are some examples of actual enjoyment during flight (that has NOTHING to do with the mile high club!):
”Kulula Humour”
1 April 2011. Kulula’s 2011 April fool’s joke! Involves licensing commercial flights for skywriting.
Kulula’s airline attendants and pilots are known for injecting a sense of humour into situations:
“Please pay attention to the safety announcement, because you will be writing a test shortly”.
“If you are caught smoking, you will be asked to leave the aircraft”.
“You could be fined up to R7999 for smoking on the plane, and for these prices you could be flying SAA”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”
“Me Tarzan, You on hold”, when phoning Kulula and being put on hold.
“To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull the belt tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one by now, then you probably shouldn’t be allowed out in public unsupervised.”
“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”
“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”
“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”
“Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”
“Ladies and gentlemen, we have landed in Cape Town . Please take all your possessions. Anything left behind will be shared equally between staff. Please note we do not accept unwanted mothers-in-law or children.”
“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”
“Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”
“Welcome to Johannesburg, if this is not where you were intending to go then you have a bit of a problem.”
“There are eight exits on this aircraft. The flight attendants will now perform the macarena to point them out.”
“Anyone caught jumping on the bed at any Protea Hotel will be charged R2,50 per jump and will be billed when you check out.” (part of a Kulula ad, advertising Protea Hotel rooms).
Kulula Airlines humour after hard landings:
After a hard landing on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
After a bumpy landing: “We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
After a less than perfect of a landing on a Kulula flight to Johannesburg, “Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.”
“Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”
“We’d like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you’ll think of Kulula Airways.”
“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”
It’s a conspiracy I tell ya!!!
Ok, so those who visited yesterday know my computer gained a Trojan virus the other night, well here’s the rest of the story….
So, I got on the phone with Dell’s tech support hotline…six transfers and two hours later the tech guy informs me it’s a software issue and I can choose between $129 for a one time fix ( guaranteed for only 3 days) or $249 for a year’s worth of fixes. WTH????
Here are my issues with this scenario:
1.The computer is less than 6 months old.
2. When I bought the computer, I bought all the warranties available to me. Did anyone mention a software warranty?? Umm NO!
3. I bought 4 years worth of McAFee.
4. When I bought the McAfee program, do you think they eplained that it wouldn’t catch ALL viruses and that the normal 12 year old hacker is now writing the viruses based on what will slip through the McAfee’s wall?? Ummm NO!
5. One of the “technicians” within those 6 transfers got ticked at me because I couldn’t understand his accent!! So sorry Mr. Patel, but I don’t understand a word you’re saying and btw, your name is NOT Tom!!!!!
6. Excuse me people, but I thought I was your customer?? What happened to good ol’ fashioned customer service?
Sooo, as a self-claimed resourceful woman, what do you think I did? Yep…while I was on the phone with Bollywood #6, I emailed a techie guy I know and said, “I got $50 for you if you’ll fix this!” he said sure and I quickly hung up on Mr. Dell.
Now I’ve got to thinking about this situation and here’s my take on it…right or wrong, perception is reality!
1. They don’t mention a software warranty because they are waiting for something to go wrong and you’ll be so disparate to fix it you’ll pay whatever ridiculous fee they feel like imposing.
2. They do this because 90% of the issues are software related.
3. Dell has partnered with McAfee. They are in cahoots!!
4. There is a brilliant teenage cousin of a Dell CEO somewhere writing these viruses.
5. He issues the virus, which by the way doesn’t harm the hard drive AT AL, but manages to circumvent the McAfee system.
6. Dell charges some innocent schmuck (like me) $129 for the one time fix fee.
7. Dell fixes the computer remotely and plants another bug to activate in 6 weeks to punish you for not purchasing the year protection.
8. The brilliant teen gets his/her cut of $40 (cash, of course) and McAfee gets their cut of $25 (also cash) for sharing their software specs and Dell keeps the remaining amount.
So yes, even though this HAS to be illegal, I do believe there is some sort of conspiracy going on to rip us all off. The only way to avoid it is to keep our techie friends happy so they’ll help us out every now and then!
What say you Dell?????
What say you McAfee???
What do y’all think? I say we start a media war against this ridiculous fee! A one year warranty on software too harsh?? A one year warranty for anything that can be fixed remotely too much to ask? (Of course, they’ll just send out a zillion technicians because NOTHING will get done remotely after that!) But, we should NOT have to pay for services for the first year!!!! For any reason that’s NOT directly the fault of the consumer (like dropped laptop or keyboard full of coffee)…
Otherwise, Dell has lost one more customer and it looks like this particular blogger will be looking at a Mac in the near future!!
And they’d BETTER not be skinny!
Hello favorite bloggers…I know I’ve been gone more than usual lately, and I apologize, but I’ve been tasked with a very special project at work that seems to be taking the majority of my waking hours. Although it is a very interesting project, I do find myself missing the blog and my outlet of writing. I will be busy with the project for the next four months or so, but I promise to get out here as often as I can. School is still another time stealer, but I’m on my last year in the MBA program and have to get it completed. All these items will be worth it so please continue to check on this blog every now and then and I promise to make some time to either make you laugh, spit your coffee, or learn something. At least, that’s my goal.
Now, for the topic…brace yourself….it’s a doozy……………ready? Ok, ok….it’s (drumroll please)……….READER’S DIGEST. Yep, I said it. The magazine you thought only your Grandma read or maybe you thought it was no longer in production? Well, wrong. I love this magazine more than any Oprah Winfrey or Rachel Ray can drum up, and although I guess I’m TECHNICALLY old enough to be a Grandma – I’M NOT! (let’s all say a prayer that it’ll be many….many….many more years before I become one!) Reader’s Digest is informative on topics such as medicine, shopping, and education, has family stories that will make you smile through the tears, and a cartoon section that will keep you chucklin’. I have a subscription on my Ipad (yes, I’m a dork) and have bookmarked their website on my desktop. Because, and here’s the fun part, there are things on the website that aren’t in the magazine, and vice versa…those witty bid’ness folks!
Here’s an example of the funny and intriguing articles: (access the website here…and we should start a petition…Hey Reader’s Digest, yooooouuuu-wwwhhhhooooo, if your website is inundated with visitor’s from this blog I get a lifetime subscription for free, right? DEAL…and don’t try to take it back, we pinky swore in my mind.)
24 Funniest Town Names in America
Andy Simmons, the humor editor at Reader’s Digest, was sent on a cross-country trip (why didn’t I look into this kind of job? Hey kids…I take back everything I said about med school! How does one major in humor?) to find the town names that were…well, funny! Here’s a few of what he found and as usual, the comments italicized under the photos are my words and my sarcasm and should not be held against those angels at Reader’s Digest…happy bloggin’ everyone!
No map required, just ask any teenager…apparently, they are all born knowing where this is! And as we get older, we try diligently to get back to it.
I don’t want to live here! That’s waaay too much pressure, how’s the market in ”just under average”??
This town, located between high cholesterol and diabetes, has its cake and eats it, too! And they’d BETTER not be skinny!
Mr. Smith renamed this city after his 8th divorce…he just can’t stop lovin’ the ladies….the next city on highway 1? Exwife #4′s city….
What were we thinking?…population 8 and will probably be 9 in a few more weeks.
It couldn’t be more obvious that a man named this city. Didn’t they have to vote or something? Oh, I get it…that was when women weren’t allowed to vote, right?
I can hear them now:
Stranger to a married couple: Where do ya’ll live? (yes, I’m from the south so figured this was from my culture)
Man from married couple says with a smile: Sweeeet Lipssss…mmmm…mmmmmmm (as if by living in a place so luciously named means he’s enjoying a life of sin)
The woman turns to the stranger: It’s real name is Beer Gut Reality with 10 Children and No Angelina so Get a Job Already
